Have you ever noticed how babies are only concerned about themselves and their personal well-being? This is because they have just left the safety of their mother’s womb where they were held close, kept warm, continually fed, and worry free.
A newborn is unaware of the immense environment they have just entered and is not aware of others. Self-awareness and personal needs are the first desires to develop and to find expression. Their self-centered focus is a built-in need to survive and eventually thrive.
Knowing this is the first skill to develop and it has a negative connotation in everyday life, does Scripture teach our self-centeredness is bad? If so, shouldn’t we disdain any and all sense of self-importance and purpose in this life? Read on to discover that this is not what God intends.
Self-Awareness
God created the natural environment as a place for us to begin our existence, as extensions of His life. During our natural life, we learn to deal with the variables of having and doing without. We bounce between food and hunger, hot and cold, stress and comfort, needs and fulfillment.
The desire to satisfy and fulfill our own needs is not a choice; it is a built-in necessity for life. An awareness of self and our own importance is very appropriate, because we are God’s offspring. His love promises to be with us through our trials and difficulties. (a) [see end notes for all Scriptures]
When the initial needs and desires of children are met, they become aware of others and their value. Parents/caregivers tend to create levels of self-confidence, trust, love, and appreciation.
Many children experience what is known as “the terrible twos” because at this age they begin testing values and authorities. When children are not properly cared for and taught that a good life includes sharing, their sense of self can be skewed and they can form an over-inflated ego.
Scripture states every person is an “offspring of God.” (b) At times, like the Pharisees in the days Jesus lived, we can oppose the ways of God and act like children of the devil. (c) However, we are still God’s offspring and His love for each of us remains steadfast. (d)
Even if God appears to be angry or displeased with us, we are still important to our Eternal Father as part of His enlarged family. As offspring of God, we should consider our basic self-centeredness as a God given quality.
As offspring of God, we should consider our basic self-centeredness as a God given quality.
Finding Balance
While God designed us to be aware of our self and our importance, we want to guard against extreme factors and not lose our balance. When we lose sight of our created reality, we can develop an extreme arrogance ‘or’ become despondent. A balanced self-awareness is important.
When self-centeredness becomes a dominant characteristic, our resulting ego tends to create an elitist attitude of superiority. An arrogant attitude tends to negate the importance of others and becomes harmful, divisive and destructive by generating efforts to gain or maintain control.
There is however a good side of 
arrogance that is important to support. As a parent teaches a child, at times they can be controlling. This can be very productive. A soldier in battle needs to come across as superior. Even in politics, there are times when this attitude can be productive.
The extreme opposite of an elitist attitude causes us to feel inferior, even worthless. Efforts to prove personal value can produce workaholics. An inferiority complex can often bring on levels of loneliness and depths of depression. Extremes are counter-productive.
Self-righteousness is another type of extreme. A self-righteous attitude is easily offended and can produce ungodly responses and expressions. (e) When we think and act as though, “I’m right and you are not,” or “I’m good and you are bad,” we tend to lash-out and condemn others as inferior.
This life is our first opportunity to personally grow and develop into mature reflections and respond to God’s call into fellowship with His guiding presence. This allows us to transform more rapidly into what we are created to be: natural and spiritual images and likenesses of God’s heart. (f)
While God designed us to be aware of our self and our importance, we want to guard against extreme factors and not lose our balance.
Stay in Balance
The Apostle Paul spoke of a balanced perspective regarding the importance of self, encouraging us to “have this attitude (of mind) in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus.” (g) What were the mind and attitude Scripture pinpoints? Jesus kept a balanced attitude regarding who he was, as a son of God and a son of man. We are all offspring of God and of man. (h) We are encouraged to stay in balance and not think of ourselves more highly or of less value than we should!
The Apostle goes on to explain in the same letter to the Philippians that he had every right to think more highly of himself. After all, Saul who became Paul had seen and spoken with the resurrected Jesus and received a special calling to pursue. (i) After years of functioning in his calling, Paul said he “pressed on and reached toward the goal (of maturity)…not thinking he had attained.” (j) Paul considered his personal education and ministry to be “as rubbish” in comparison to knowing Christ. (k) A balanced sense of self-centeredness is an important value.
As our loving and insightful Father, God graciously leads and guides us through our earthly difficulties because He is patient, compassionate and longsuffering. (l) In this life, we learn to walk in God’s Light and Love, here a little and there a little. At times we can shine a lot and at times we may tend to come up short. When we partake of the fellowship of God’s presence as the more perfect way of living, God-Light and God-Love can more effectively flow through us.
So does Scripture teach our self-centeredness is bad or a sin? No, our self-centeredness is a good value. As obedient and disobedient offspring and children, we are all valued as worthy of God’s love. Jesus also encourages each of us to value each other by “loving one another.” (m)
May we honestly seek to find our balance between developing an extremity ‘too large’ or ‘too small’ self-esteem! Find and stay in balance!
A balanced sense of self-centeredness is an important value.
a) John 14:16; Hebrews 13:5; b) Acts 17:22-29; c) John 8:39, 44; d) Lamentations 3:22; e) Luke 18:9-14; Matthew 9:14; f) Genesis 1:26; g) Philippians 2:3-7;3:14-15; h) Acts 17:29; i) Acts 9:1-15; i) Philippians 3: 4-14; k) Philippians 3:8; l) James 3:17; Galatians 5:22; m) John 13:34; 15:12
Keith Carroll, “The Relationship Guy”
Relational Gospel Founder
Created To Relate author